The is a line that should not be crossed in any family where even Love can not heal. It is even worse when it is between a relative that you had no choice in their being part of your family. This is a hard lession to learn and it is not easy to deal with, at least if you still have feelings for them. My mother is a profound believer in Tough-Love, while I have been way to soft in dealing with my immediate family. But that does not mean that I do not have a tough side or that I cannot be mean when it is required. I am now at a another crossroads in my life which will be very hard to get through, even though I am not sure how I am going to accomplish the changes that I feel now need to be done.
I realize I am being a bit vauge, so I will elaberate a bit. I have went out of my way since 1999 to take care of my son and help him find himself. I have gave him so much of my life in an effrot to make up for the mistakes I was apart of in his upbringing. I am sure from the reactions from my Mother that she feels I have not done him any favors, which I at times agreed with. Most of my friends have expressed the same sediments over the years. I turned my back on their advice, but I fear that now they were right.
Over the years we have had a few semi-violent arguments that would have turned to fisticufts but I averted that by eventually giving in and letting things return to a sort of normality. But two nights ago we had another disagreement over someting so trivial it was mind-blowing to me why he was so cotinuing his tirade. I refused to give in this time and that's when it took the ugliest turn yet. After ten minutes of shouting at each other he got to what was it was really all about. He still resents me bitterly for precieved wrongs of his past. And he said stuff to me that made me realize that he is using me more then loves me.
This is a very bitter pill to swallow, but I coannot let it sore inside. I will not repaeat any of the stuff he said to me but it cut me to my very core. Anything once said cannot be taken back, they are now out there and the person has to decide for themselves wether it is something they can live with. I have learned from experience that a relationship can be so permantly scared from words and actions to nullify it. If it is between a husband and wife it usually leads to divorce. But when it is you blood realatives it is so much ahrder to divorce yourself from them.
I am at this point now with my son, I feel that I need to separate my life from his. It will be hard since I pay all the bills. If it was just him I would make him move out, just like my mother did when I was 19. But He has his wife and my 2 year old grandson and it puts me in a quandry on how to resolve this issue. The only one I can talk to is my mother about this and I know already what she will say.
Becaquse of my current situation, I will not be devoting much time for the forseeable future to my blogs, Thank You for your patience.
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